Coffee and convos

I've been a "certified" barista for a few weeks now and I have run into a large variety of people. I work the morning shift so we see a lot of regulars coming in for the same thing each day. I've been amazed at the amount of people who get the exact same thing every day - not only does this seem a little boring to me but also expensive (in money and calories).

It's also interesting to me the expectations some folks have for a thing as simple as a cup of coffee or a bagel. There are folks who will leave before they choose to wait in line. Others who expect that we (the staff) will remember exactly what they get each day and have it ready for them. You'd think that we would start to get to know some of these folks fairly well seeing them each day and all. However, you'd be amazed at how many people just look at their phone the whole time they are waiting for their item and how shallow the conversations are when they do happen.

I've really been challenged lately to go deeper with people, no longer just surface level conversations but ones with depth and meaning. This is not a skill that comes naturally for me as it does several people I know but rather it is one that takes practice and many conversations. I'm praying the Lord shows me opportunities to dive in and not only go deeper into others lives, but be willing to open my life up to them as well.

I would have to say that one huge thing I learned/realized this summer is how important it is to first be vulnerable with someone before expecting them to do the same with me. You can't expect the other person to go deep if you're not willing to do so yourself. I think I knew this, I just never connected the dots. Guess the Lord's given me a great opportunity to practice being more vulnerable with people in my life. Though it may sound strange and ridiculous that I want to open up with customers that come to get a cup of coffee each day, the fact of the matter is that some of these people spend a great amount of time each week waiting for their drink of choice. Why not get to know them when I see them so often?

Oh AAA...I'm so glad we're friends

In the last month or so I have managed to lock my keys in my car not once, but twice. Not only that but I would also venture to say that I have been much much more "blonde" than I generally am. I will constantly catch myself saying things or doing things that do not come across as a well educated woman in her mid twenties should. I do not say this to gain sympathy, but rather I feel like it just goes to show how busy I have been and how there has been much on my mind these days.

I have been LOVING my life up here in Maryland and have been trying to enjoy the most out of each day. Whenever I find myself without plans I am quickly able to find something to fill the time. Whether it's practicing for my next piano lesson, hitting around the volleyball in the gym, pouching (porch couching) with the interns, or just chilling in the brick house - there is always something to do. That's one of the great things about living at the ranch, it's always filled with adventures waiting to happen. I'm thinking sometime this week or next weekend I might give the mountain boards a go...this should be interesting.

Aside from doing so much I would say that I am also learning a ton. The Lord is always faithful to teach those who are willing to listen and while, sadly, I can't say that I'm always faithful to listen, I would say that on the occasions I do He has been so faithful to open my eyes and ears.

I'm reading through a couple of books right now, one being Love and Respect. While it's generally about the relationship between a man and wife (and I am by no means married) I would say that it's a great concept to pick up on for any male/female relationship in your life. Learning to treat men with respect and women with love is not only a great idea but it is also so biblical. This book is opening my eyes to how I treat others and how my words and actions may come across as disrespectful or unloving without even meaning for them to. While the book itself is somewhat repetitive, I would say that the main idea behind it is one worth studying a little deeper.

On a side note, my efforts to help the world better pronounce the word "Appalachian" are going well. Slowly, one person at a time, I hope to change the incorrect pronunciation of the place I once called home. For those of you wondering, the wrong way of saying this mountain range is: apple-a-chin. It is correctly pronounced apple-ahh-chin. Thank you and goodnight.

Wannabe outdoorsman (or woman, rather)

 Went to REI tonight for a bit and left with a new desire to do everything outdoorsy but feeling like that will never happen due to lack of gear. So dear REI, I'd say that coming into your store left the desired effect, I wanted to buy many new things - good job marketing crew.

BUT, I'm pretty sure that tomorrow I will be getting my very own harness which I am SUPER excited about. I'll have to find some way to use it this weekend for sure.

I felt like such a poser tonight though because my friend LaDessa and I just browsed around the store, tried a few things on - a harness, climbing shoes, tried to buy some rope (which was unsuccessful), asked some questions about water bottles, and then left. Haha. Maybe one day I'll get to go in, try things on, and leave with a bag - oh won't that be the day.

The Brick House

When the ranch asked me to stay on through the fall, they offered me a place to live on property which was definitely an answer to prayer. So here is a tour of my new home. I get the privilege of living in a 102.5 year old house. Ok, so not really sure just how old it is...but it's old. It has three stories, four if you count the attic which is basically a time machine into the past.

The first floor is basically the laundry room for the ranch and a guest room that they use for speakers who come for retreats and during the summer. Then there is a door that leads to a set of stairs that leads to where I am living.

Steps leading upstairs

At the top of the first set of stars, the entry way

Then right off of the entryway is the big old kitchen, it's also my office (as noted by the chair)

 The room to the right that you see through the door is the guest room.

 There is also a half bath off of the kitchen

Then if you step out of the kitchen and head to the right you will encounter another set  of steps, a door to the porch, the guest room, and the living room. 

My porch! Perfect for hammocking.

Mini trampoline. Morning exercises happen there (well they haven't yet, but maybe one day)

Here is the bare living room. I'm working on scrounging up some furniture but it's proving harder than I first thought.

Living room

Living Room

My frist housewarming gift made by a friend 

This is the bathroom on the third floor

Hallway on the third floor. My room is at the end of this hallway.

My room! Right next to the attic steps

The bed and chair were given to me by my boss from this summer and his wife.

Wall flowers! This is a big reason why I choose this room.

While the house is great and I am LOVING it...there are a few quirks (as there would be with any 102.5 something year old house).

Lots of HUGE rat traps

I have a plant! Actually...it's growing in through the window frame.

The fridge. Randomly it makes this really loud banging noise. You get used to it eventually. It also has a bunch of liquid that likes to sit in the bottom of it. I'm told that its from the freezer which leaks, still haven't been brave enough to clean it yet.

So there is my new home away from home. Like I said, I'm loving it. The first week was a little iffy but now that I've figured out a lot of the noises and such and I don't mind it at all. The mice and I are getting along just perfectly.

News.

I have a new job, several in fact. This week I got to fulfill a lifelong (well...maybe more like a few years long) dream of being a barista. I have begun working at a local coffee shop and making those fancy coffee drinks you love so much. Three days a week I get to supply the morning work crew with their needed caffeine and breakfast pastries and I love it.

I mainly work with one other girl, Sarah. She and I are the oldest of the barista's, the rest being a couple of college students and then mostly high school students. The shop that I work in is mainly a bakery though so sweets are constantly being made, put into the case, and sold. As soon as you walk in it smells delicious and just looking into the case can cause a sugar coma to ensue. Snickerdoodles is known for their cakes and desserts and can pretty much make you anything you desire. I kinda think that heaven will be a little like this, or at least I hope that there will be delicious desserts, pastries and coffee drinks.

This job is only part time though as I am also working at River Valley Ranch two days a week. After working at the Ranch this summer as one of the program directors I was asked to stay on part time through the fall and felt that this was an opportunity from the Lord so I took it. I get the joy of living here as well surrounded by a great community of believers.

After my trip to Switzerland I was really torn about what to do with life. I had no plans and only felt like I had a couple of options of where I could go and what I could do. Through much prayer I decided that the Ranch was the place for me to be for a few more months of my life and I am loving it! I can't tell you for sure how long I'll be here, but I'm not too worried about those details at the moment, I'm just trying to enjoy each moment of life for now.

The land of Chocolate and Cheese

I went to Switzerland a couple of weeks ago, just thought it'd be fun. So I hopped on a plane and about 12 hours later I was there. I spent three weeks traveling all over the country with my friend Seraina, staying with her family, riding the train, trolley, buses, trams, and boats everywhere. It was awesome. Here are a few of my favorite views:

I took this one at the top of a rock we climbed during a day of rock climbing.

We stopped at this lake for lunch during a hike another day.

Same lake as above, it was so beautiful everywhere you looked, these pictures don't even do it justice.

Perspective

I'm doing a Beth Moore bible study right now on the book of Daniel. This morning she spoke on feeling inferior. One of the things she said that stuck with me was that self loathing was just as bad as exalting yourself because ultimately you're still focused on yourself (not her exact words...).

Lately I have been somewhat stressed and worried about what to do after Friday. Where I should go, what kind of job to get, what I want to do, what God wants me to do, what my gifts are, how to pay down some of my debt. Beth really reminded me this morning that my focus has been on myself completely and not the Lord. When we're focused on ourselves its so easy for our problems and issues to be magnified ten times bigger than they are. I get so caught up in my own life that I forget that everyone around me is dealing with things as well, I am not the only one. And my problems are nothing compared to the things that some people are going through.

This summer that was one of the things that stuck out to me most I think. I really started to gain a new perspective on struggle and pain. It seems as though I often think the pain in my own life is such that someone else should care and give sympathy. But my pain is nothing compared to that of another persons. Who am I to feel sorry for myself because I'm having a bad day, I don't know what someone else is going through. If they've just lost a loved one, are battling sickness constantly, have major money issues, just lost their job that was their entire life. Who am I to think that my bad day can even compare to what someone else may be going through?

These past few months have been about me gaining a new perspective on life and I was again reminded of that today. My focus should be on the Lord, not myself and whatever struggle is there today. Focus on the Lord and the rest will fall into place in due time.

A long overdue update on life

Dear Friends and Family,

It would seem it has been many months since I last sent you an update on my life, that is for a number of reasons. 1) My life is anything but what I expected it would be at this point and, 2) during each step I have wanted to wait until I had more definite plans to share. I have come to the decision though that definite plans may not be forthcoming and so an update just needs to happen.

Last I wrote I was living at home (in Asheville, NC) and working part time at my parents church and then also helping to get an after school program off the ground with Camp Cedar Cliff. There have been many changes in my life since then so let me fill you in a bit. The middle of February plans suddenly came to a halt on the after school program and for a number of reasons completely beyond my control I was informed it would no longer be happening. Seeing as this was one of the main reasons I went back to Asheville after graduation it left me scratching my head and back at square one of figuring out what to do with my life.

I eventually took on a job waitressing at a local country restaurant not far from my house and continued on at the church. Around the end of March I began to again think I wanted to be involved in camp ministry and began to search for a camp internship. I came across River Valley Ranch in Maryland and eventually became convinced to apply for a summer position there discipling high school students. The beginning of June I moved to Maryland for 10 weeks to work as the TNT program director. My job was to help disciple 150 teenagers and 8 college students while planning the program and activities with my partner, Taco. This past summer was one of much growth, challenge, and a summer that I thoroughly enjoyed. I ended the summer not wanting to leave and without a clue of where to go once it was finished.

The day after camp finished I hopped on an airplane to Zurich, Switzerland where I then spent three weeks traveling and visiting with one of my dear friends from my YWAM days, Seraina Monsch. She and her family were so gracious to open their home to me and share their country and culture during that time. It was a GREAT time of traveling, talking, taking pictures, making new friends, and experiencing a new culture. This is a trip that I have been wanting to take for 5 years now and it was certainly one that will be forever remembered. I feel so blessed that I was able to finally take it.

I returned from Switzerland this past Saturday and am back at the Ranch for a few days helping with a retreat group, visiting with friends, and trying to piece together what comes next. To be completely honest I am without a clue as to where I should go. I have a couple of options but am not entirely thrilled with either of them. I would ask for your prayers during this time. More than anything I want my life to be one of serving the Lord and doing something that will outlive my own life and affect more than just myself. I’m currently torn between two very different paths that would take my life in very different directions, each with positives and negatives. Again, I would ask for your prayers that the Lord would make his path clear and grant me wisdom in knowing the right choice for my current life.

I hope this letter finds each of you doing well, I would love to hear how you are doing and also how I can be praying for you.

Blessings,

Holly

The truth.

I'm starting to notice a pattern in my life. I get really excited about a new endeavor and pursue it fully heartedly for awhile then slowly it dies off and I eventually let it go altogether. It would seem that this blog is yet another item on the list of things I have given up on. Growing up there've been a lot - tap, jazz, piano, clarinet, bass clarinet, softball, volleyball, pottery, and tons of books that I've started by never finished just to name a few.

While I won't say that I've completely given up on this idea of a blog altogether, I will be honest and say that it probably won't be updated as often as it once was. Life is getting busy these days and having another thing on the list isn't really what I'm looking for right now. But I will say this, from time to time I will do my best to fill these pages with a funny story, insight on what I'm currently learning, or an update on life as it is.

So check back from time to time - you never know when I'll write again. But until then, I'll see ya when I see ya.

H.

I'm a working woman...again.

Started training for my waitressing job today - so basically I followed around one of the other servers for a couple of hours. Not only was I reminded of how much I enjoy the face paced environment of the restaurant world, but I was also reminded of the life behind the scenes of the restaurant and all the small talk that occurs. If there's one thing in life that I really don't enjoy or have the nak of it is small talk. I hate having to try and find things to talk about that, at the end of the day, have no meaning. I so much prefer to have honest relationships with friends and just joke around and have fun without the pressure of talking about things that don't last or matter. Talking just for the sake of talking, not my thing. If I have something to say then I will share it otherwise I'm perfectly content to stay quiet.

I think this job will be great, but it will definitely challenge me in my small talking abilities and hopefully help me to turn some of these conversation opportunities into more than topics that have little to no purpose behind them.

What am I doing with my life??

A couple of weeks I ago I started reading through the book Radical by David Platt. I'm reading this with a group of friends from church and then we get together and discuss each chapter. Let me just say, this book is super challenging! It's not that its full of large words and deep theological thoughts, but rather it's basically calling out the American church and challenging it's readers to live the Christian life differently. After reading through the first chapter and a half of the book I'm already ready to drive up to the office of a mission organization and tell them to ship me off.

Along with reading this book I'm beginning to feel that my thinking is changing towards life in general. I have begun to look at the world differently and a little less through the eyes of a society set on success and achievement. I'm beginning to feel like we've got it all wrong and our priorities are all screwed up. I'm to the point in life where I get to decide what I want out of life. Do I want to settle down and get a job that will take me far? Or maybe I want to pack everything up and move to a new city just for kicks. What about joining a mission organization and going to a third world country? Or maybe I should think a little more seriously about learning to fly? Join the military perhaps?

I don't really know what I want out of life these days. I was interviewing for a job just today and the lady asked me why I hadn't taken a job in my field of study. I came up with some sort of answer, but to be honest, I don't know. Maybe that's what I should do. Right now I feel torn between so many things and so uncertain of what I should actually do.

Here's the good news though, I truly believe that the big picture is so much bigger than all of these little things I'm currently worrying about. Yes, I want my life to mean something, and yes, I want to feel like each day has a purpose and that I am achieving a greater goal than just the mere act of making money. But the good news is that I also truly believe that if I'm living each day as for the Lord then I am living for a great goal and something more than myself and thus my life has a greater purpose and meaning.

I've just gotten a job waitressing at a local cafe and after taking the position I couldn't help but think "what am I doing??", "how is this going to give my life purpose?" My life is filled with all kinds of these questions at the moment. Do I start running the rat race and just seek to make some money or do I look for something with a far greater purpose? Luckily, I do believe that all of life can be lived with a greater purpose no matter what tasks consume each hour.

So here I am, about to start a new job and fill some of my hours with new people, tasks, and a new goal - to love those He puts in my life. We'll see how this goes.

New goal

So at this point it seems that I have some regulars. Goal number 1 = success.

Goal number 2 - start to receive comments. Now, I realize that in order to receive a comment here or there then there needs to be comment-worthy material. It also may help to post items a little more regularly. Know that these truths are not lost on me and I will be trying my hardest to bring my best to you all. But here and now I am officially inviting and even welcoming comments.

Hope this finds you doing well at the beginning of yet another week. God's been doing some major work in my life these days, I'll try to put some of it into words in order to share it soon. But until then, happy Monday!

H.

Wow, this is interesting. Check out this blog post.

http://newsociety.com/blogs/index.php/2008/04/10/hungry_planet_food_expenditures_from_aro

I realize that I am a little overdue for a new post, however I'm at a loss for words. So rather than share some deep and moving thought I will simply wish my baby brother a (late) happy 18th birthday!! Love ya!!

Blog envy

So I've been doing a little perusing of blogs lately and have come up with several conclusions.

1) About half of the blogs out there are not kept up with regularly
2) Also about half of those blogs are written by Christians
3) Most blogs are either about a certain topic (such as news, beliefs, etc.) or family
4) Some people...have very interesting things to say...

Through this time it has made me rethink my own blog somewhat and begs the question, what is my purpose for writing? Originally I decided to make another go at blogging because I had a little extra time and thought it could be fun. I enjoy writing and feel like sometimes I can get my thoughts across much better through written word rather than speaking (I have quite a knack for talking myself into some deep holes). The more I've blogged though the more I feel I need a purpose and direction for my posts. Something to ponder.

Tunes

So I have this thing where I don't really have favorites in life. I really don't like the idea of putting that term "favorite" on an item and then feeling stuck to liking it for a certain amount of time. There are tons of things that I like, but depending on the day and moment my answers could be very different. Currently (and for awhile now I might add) I have been enjoying music by the band needtobreathe. If I'm looking for something familiar and am in sort of a relaxed, mellow mood then I'll usually pop them in. Here's one of their songs that I enjoy quite a bit.

In your Hands - Christy Nockels

So tonight I was sitting and thinking about a few things going on in my life right now. I have more time than I'm used to at the moment and this tends to cause me to have a little too much time for thinking every now and then. Anywhos, I was beginning to worry and allow my mind to drift to things it should not be focusing on when I started to listen to the words of the song playing in the background. The lyrics go:

For so long I have held on to all that I am
When all You want is for me to place it in Your hands, in your hands, Lord…in your hands…

Here's my thoughts, I want to think of You
and place them in Your hands
I place them in Your hands

Here's my time, take it as You will
I place it in Your hands
I place it in Your hands


Huh, it seems that the Lord was speaking directly to me just now. So funny how often times when we're looking for an answer to something the Lord does speak, we just don't always listen.

Trying to follow the yellow brick road can be hard when you're color blind

It's been an interesting couple of weeks, to say the least. I'm realizing, yet again, that life is never as it seems. You think that you know how things are going to go and then a curve ball comes your way - something that you didn't even think to consider. What a great reminder to focus on the day at hand and just trust the Lord with the rest.

I wrote earlier that I was taking some time to seek after the Lord for answers. While I can't say that I really have those answers I can say that I'm yet again reminded of how important it is to trust the Lord when things don't go quite as planned.

See, I came to Asheville for a specific reason, I came because I agreed to help work towards beginning an after school program for local at-risk youth. I spent much time in thought and prayer before making this decision, it wasn't made lightly. I talked it over with a number of people that I trust and respect and finally came to the decision that this was where the Lord was calling me - to go back home for a time. So I made the plunge and committed. Now, just weeks later, it would seem that maybe that's not what the Lord had in mind after all. Due to a number of circumstances that are out of my control the after school program will not be happening as planned. While I'm still confident of my decision to come home, I can't help but question what the Lord has in mind.

The door to work with this population of kids has not closed completely and there are some other potential opportunities here for me in Asheville. However, this sudden and unforeseen change has caught me off guard momentarily. I'm currently in a period of waiting on the Lord for direction and guidance as to where He wants me.

Looking back on these last two months I can't say that I'm completely thrilled with how I've used my time. But what I can say is how the Lord has continued to bless it and has allowed me the opportunity to grow in certain areas. While I truly have no clue what the next month holds, much less the next week, I can say that know the Lord will continue to be faithful and lay out my path as I go. 

To my regular visitors

Hello Friends,

Just wanted to say a large thanks for checking my blog regularly. I know you are out there and I want to make sure that you know you are not going unnoticed. Your constant visits are what push me to put more posts up, though I know it has been a few days since the last, another will be coming your way soon. So thanks again. Keep up the visits, more thoughts are coming your way soon.

Sincerely,

H.

Going dark

I mentioned in an earlier post that there are a lot of questions right now in life and this fact hasn't changed. The truth is though, I could really use a couple of answers. So in an effort to remove distractions and excuses I have decided to "go dark" for a couple of days.

No, this does not mean gothic or depressed or anything of the sort. Rather, what I am saying is that I will be giving up technology for a bit. It's so easy to allow myself to spend my days on my computer or watching TV, but at the end of the day I look back and have nothing but emptiness to show for it. I could really use the Lord's guidance right now in life and rather than seeking after him I have been drowning him out with the noise of this world.

I so desire to hear what He is telling me and feel that in order to best do this I need to take a break from that noise and listen for His voice. So folks, I will see you in a few days with hopefully a few less question marks staring me in the face. Adios, see ya when I see ya.

H.

Here's a few of the things that I know I do love in life (just in case you were wondering):

Scarves

Polka Dots

Coffee dates with friends

Getting lost (you never know what neat places you'll end up in!)

My family (plus Ang and Phil of course)

And so much more really. I love laughing, though I hardly do it enough. I love to experiment with baking and making things for the ones that I love. I absolutely love making others smile and bringing joy to another persons day. When someone I love is feeling down I'd do just about anything to make them feel better. I love inspiring others to go after the potential I see in them. Like I said, there's a lot that I love in life - and this isn't even the tip of the ice berg.

The Great Masquerade

There's a lot of questions in life right now. Some second guessing is going on and even a little worrying perhaps. It's amazing how in one moment you think you know where life is headed and then in the next you have no clue what's going to happen. Everyday is a constant reminder to just continue trusting the Lord because at the end of the day He is the one who know's whats going to happen. Worrying does nothing but add stress and burdens to life - I keep trying to tell this to myself but it's so much easier said than lived.

See, I'm one of those girls that's grown up in the church and I've learned so many the "right answers." I know the right things to say, right emotions to portray, and right facial expressions to give. I'm really good at saying how I should respond to something and assuring people in my life that that's what I'm doing - but when it comes to living that out in my mind and heart it's a whole other story.

Over the years I've gotten so much better at being real and genuine and not putting on that "church face" that I learned as I grew up. Some days its hard though to be honest with the world, and even honest with myself. After awhile putting on the mask just becomes a natural part of life. You can anticipate the reactions of others and then know how to respond. That's partly why I have a hard time meeting new people sometimes - I don't already know what to anticipate from them or understand how they're generally going to respond to things. The thing about meeting new people is that you're starting fresh. They don't know you, you don't know them. For me - the girl with the masks - that can be hard because I don't know which mask to wear.

The older I get the more I'm realizing that I have no idea who I actually am. I've been this girl that's tried to please everyone for so long that I don't really have any idea of the things that I enjoy or want to do with my time. It's always just easier to follow the group and not make a big fuss. The more I come to grips with this the more I want to break free from this picture I've created of the girl that I should be and just be who I actually am. Trying to live life pleasing everyone is exhausting and leaves you feeling drained, insecure, and reliant on others - that is not a life that I want to live. The life that I desire to live is one filled with the freedom and riches the Lord has to offer for those who allow Him to live through them. This includes so much more than just freedom from eternal death (though that is the greatest part of it). It includes freedom from trying to please others, or being anyone but yourself. It allows you to not have to live life feeling burdened or weighted down by the troubles of the world. The freedom offered by the Lord is a freedom like none you could imagine. It allows us to live life looking only to the Lord for strength, wisdom, knowledge, and truth. That is the life I desire to live. Floating free on the promises of Christ and looking only to please Him each day. Again, this is sometimes much easier said than done. :-)

Through anothers eyes...

I'm reading a book right now (fiction) about a princess from Saudi Arabia and the life she lives. If it is at all accurate, which I'm guessing it has to have at least a hint of authenticity to it, then I'm realizing just how sheltered I am from the state of lives of those in other cultures.

You go on a couple of mission trips and you think that you start to have this picture of the rest of the world. But honestly, I think until I have lived all over the world and experienced the lives of others first hand I will never get a complete picture of what it is like to live outside of the US (probably not even then). The idea of torture is something I can't fully wrap my head around. Or women being required to cover themselves when in public. How about children running through the streets starving and mutilating themselves in hopes that those who pass them by will have more sympathy and give them money for food - or drugs even. Or even simply not having the internet available at your finger tips whenever you want it. Clean water - I turn on the tap and don't even question that fresh, clean water will come out. It's the little things that we take for granted and expect out of our cushy world here in the middle class. What would it be like to have grown up in another country not as fortunate as my own? It's a question to ponder and remind me of how fortunate and blessed I am.

Even from my experience this summer, working in a small town just up the road my eyes were opened to how blessed I am. I have two parents that genuinely love me and want the best for me. They have always provided the necessities and have even gone above and beyond my needs. I grew up feeling safe, secure, loved, knowing that there were high expectations for my behavior and attitude towards my parents and others. It wasn't a question as to whether enough food would be on the table that night. I didn't have to wish that I had a toothbrush and tooth paste but rather was "forced" to brush twice a day. Again, it's the little things that are so eye opening sometimes.

If you're feeling down, just watch a few of these...

they should bring a smile to your face.

The world looks different from up here.

Growing up is hard. It involves all of these decisions and choices and much responsibility. Suddenly, when you walk across that stage and shake the big mans hand a weight of expectations is set on your shoulders and the world looks at you anticipating direction and answers from your life. No more can you have no clue about where you're headed in life, no more can you act stupid just because, suddenly you're an adult and should thus act as one. Again I say, growing up is hard.

Not only is it hard but it can also be a little scary. You're stepping into a new role and have to figure that out as well as most likely starting a new job, new life, making new friends, living in a new place. I mean, the life you once knew is no more. Sometimes I get this urge to just leave it all - the expectations, ideas from others, the weight thats been unwillingly placed on me - just get in the car and drive off to live life as a nomad, never settling down just being with friends and having new adventures. Then, I stop day dreaming and realize that running away is not the answer.

Not only is growing up hard and a little scary but its also very exciting at times. You DO get to start a new job, make new friends, live in a new place - suddenly you get to start over, start fresh. Leave all of the baggage behind and begin again. Starting fresh has this adventure to it, you never know who you're going to meet or what's going to show up right around the corner and that can be really exciting. All of my past adventures were filled with each of these emotions and thoughts, but the one thing that runs consistent through all of them is looking back at those feelings of fear and unsureness and also seeing them mixed in with excitement and memories that I wouldn't trade for anything.

New things are always filled with mixed emotions, but if there's one thing that I've learned is that if you can push past those fears and uncertainties at the beginning then it's usually worth it in the long run - and I have a feeling that adulthood is going to be no different.

God smiled at me today, a couple times actually.

Do you ever have those moments where you secretly wish for something that you know will never happen and then somehow...it does? Well I had one of those moments today and it was lovely. For me it wasn't a big wish or even a very important one really, but it was a wish none the less and the Lord smiled at me and made that wish a reality. I don't know, maybe it's silly but knowing that something like that has such a small likelihood of happening on its own leads me to believe that when it does indeed happen it was the Lord trying to brighten my day.

I think that the Lord speaks to us everyday is little ways but we might not always notice it. For me on a rough day that I get a hug I take that as the Lord saying, "I love you." Or when you get that text from a friend right at the moment when you need to hear those words most, the Lord is saying "trust me, I've got you." Or how about when He uses YOU to brighten someone elses day in a little way? That's Him saying "come as you are."

The Lord speaks everyday, in little ways and big. This week my challenge is to see the Lord more as He shows his love for me and who knows,  maybe He'll even choose to use my life to brighten someone elses...

Watch out for the fountain...

Saw this video today. It definitely gave me laugh, sad to say at the expense of the poor lady, but lets be honest, how many of us could that have happened to? I know that I can be caught regularly suddenly freezing up in the middle of a conversation with someone because my phone goes off. Or all of a sudden you stop walking and just start staring down at your phone. How many of you have had near encounters with something almost just like this? No? Well maybe you did but you just never noticed because you were looking at your phone.

I've recently decided that it really bothers me when people look to their phone to answer a text or what have you in the middle of a conversation (ok maybe I didn't just decide this but I have recently been reminded of it). Because of this video and my recent reminders it has made me that much more adamant that I will not be one of those people to let my cell phone dictate conversations with others or my walking patterns. So, know that you have the complete freedom to call me out on this should I slip back into old habits when you are around. Really, I'll appreciate it more than you know.

All I'm saying is that it really helps in a conversation if you're actually listening to the person and it really helps when walking if you look where you're going...don't be the next one to fall in a fountain.

Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's off to work I go.

What a glorious day today has been. Big things are happening here in Asheville and I am so blessed to get to be part of them and to not only see it happen but also help make it happen. I kinda feel like the top is about to pop off of some huge stuff the Lord is doing here right now, I can feel the excitement building and can see the Lord aligning things for His glory. Oh man, I'm so excited!

This past summer I had the pleasure of getting to know some kids who haven't been as fortunate as I have to grow up in a house with two loving parents, food on the table at every meal, and all my needs provided for. These kids opened my heart up in whole new ways and I can't even begin to tell you all the ways they've changed me. I had the opportunity to work with, on average, 30 underprivileged kids from the ages of 3-14 years old for 9-weeks, oh what fun it was! I'll also say though, that it was incredibly challenging and probably one of my hardest summers yet. As a result of it though I feel that I have grown more as a person from those 9-weeks than I have in any of my other summers. Let me tell you about some of "my kids."

Isaac: 4 years old and full of spunk and attitude like you would not believe. This little guy has been through the fire and back and you honestly couldn't tell from all the life and excitement that is in him. You never know what's going to come out of his mouth or what he's gonna do but you can always expect to see a smile on his face and get a laugh out of him. My favorite quote: "I ain't gonna BE a girlfriend and I ain't gonna HAVE a girlfriend!"

Hannah: This girl melted my heart. When she and her siblings first started coming to our program she wouldn't leave her brothers side and would barely say a word. As the weeks progressed, slowly she would play a game or do a craft and eventually it got to where she would leave her brothers sight if she was with me, but only with me. By the end of the summer she was off playing on her own only to check in with big brother every once in awhile. Her shyness resonated so well with me because I was just like that as a child. Shy as all get out (and if you ask certain people they might even tell you that I was still like that up until a few years ago, but that's another story for another time). The big thing about Hannah and her siblings that really hit my heart was how it felt like they had been forced to grow up quickly and were already losing the days of just being a kid. Hannahs big brother wasn't older than 10 and yet he was in charge.

Anita: Sweet as could be, she was a clinger, haha. It took her awhile (a couple of weeks) to warm up to anyone new but once she did she loved to be loved and held. By the end of the summer Anita was practically permanently attached to my hip because I held her so much. She has the prettiest smile between the dirt smudges on her face and was always showing it.

The thing about these kids that melted my heart was their desire for attention and love. The way that our program was set up volunteers were constantly coming in and out and the kids were regularly getting to know new faces and names, I was the only one that was there daily. As a result of this, by the end of the summer I knew most of the kids well and they knew that they could come to me with problems, when they wanted to play, or if they just wanted a little more attention and a safe person to go to. I loved my job in many ways but also hated it because I knew that at the end of those 9-weeks "my kids" would go back home and not have a place to go in the afternoons to be loved and kept safe. They melted my heart and it's because of them that I now have a huge passion and desire to find more kids such as them and make sure they know they are valuable and loved and are still kids thus should be allowed to have a childhood.

Here's a picture of just a few of them showing off their artwork. :-)

Let me introduce you to a couple of "friends"

I LOVE this video. Don't know why but I just think it's cute as could be. Thought I would share it for your enjoyment.



oh and p.s. toms in the rain - not a good idea. Just saying.

ALSO...I just found this video, which I also love.

Excuses, excuses...

There's been alot on my mind lately. Thoughts of life, the Lord, my place in this world, and the past among many other things. I'm in a period of waiting - a time in my life where I have free time, yet responsibilities - friends, yet needing to continue to meet new faces - a time where I'm currently allowed to live each day as I choose. Lately I have chosen to do little, sleep much, and ponder a great bit. In some regards it has been perfect but in others lonely. Though there is all of this free time in my day the Lord is pushed aside and put on the back burner. Do you ever wonder why, when there's tons of free time, the Lord seems to go to the bottom of the list? It's then that excuses are made - ok, maybe not just then. I'm starting to realize that I am full of excuses for every area of my life. I don't have enough time, I'm not around the right people, I don't FEEL like it (as if feelings should define our lives), I'm too tired, not in the right mood, don't care, etc. The list goes on and on. There's always an excuse or an out - regardless of whether it truly is your fault or not. 


Lately, the Lord has been one of the many to get excuses from me. I run out of time, or I'll do it later then later turns into tomorrow and tomorrow turns into this weekend and this weekend turns into Monday and the cycle continues. Having a relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ should not be something that is on our to do list, it should be something that we get excited about doing each day. Having a relationship with Him is like having a relationship/friendship with anyone, it requires time and attention. 


Last semester my friend Amanda and I decided that we wanted to make a change in our spiritual lives and start pursuing the Lord regularly so we decided to hold each other accountable to this. We agreed upon reading through the Psalms together and doing at least 30 minutes each morning before we started our day. I can't even begin to tell you how awesome it has been to have someone in my life that I KNOW is going to ask me if I have been in the word lately. It has changed so much of my walk with the Lord. Being back home has brought back old tendencies of putting off the Lord lately but I am committing to pushing through those old tendencies and creating new ones - ones that don't allow for excuses. 



Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.  -Philippians 3:12-14

Attempt #2

I've tried a blog before...but it didn't turn into much. Rather it was full of letters about my adventures in life. Hopefully on this second attempt rather than having amazingly long letters every couple of months I will be able to share life regularly.

So to start off with I think I'll share about my latest and greatest endeavor for my life in Asheville. See, I've recently moved back to the town that I grew up in and while it is a lovely place to live, it is also full of many memories and people that I know but don't really KNOW if you know what I mean. SO, seeing as how there are some memories that I just do not wish to bring back up (such as my first middle school dance which was filled with, of course, much drama and little dancing) I have decided to create some new ones. To get a jump start on doing this an "Asheville Bucket List" has been created, it is as follows (though it is not complete by any means):

1. Drum circle encounters are a must
2. Take a class - woodcarving perhaps?
3. Become a "regular" at a local coffee shop
4. Contra dancing - make an attempt at dancing with James franco?
5. All night dancing extravaganza with the camp ladies
6. Learn to Kayak
7. Checkout this whole "outdoor wind tunnel" deal
8. Experience at least one new local talent each month

That's all I've got so far but suggestions are ALWAYS accepted and will be seriously considered.

Also, I think that I might try and do a verse of the day maybe, is that lame? Oh well, don't really care if it is cause I'm gonna attempt to do it anyways. Happy Monday - or Tuesday rather since I guess Monday is technically over.

Bless our God, O peoples; let the sound of his praise be heard, who has kept our soul among the living and has not let our feet slip. For you, O God, have tested us; you have tried us as silver is tried. You brought us into the net; you laid a crushing burden on our backs; you let men ride over our heads; we went through fire and through water; yet you have brought us out to a place of abundance.
-Psalm 66: 8-12