I once knew a girl who would tend to "give up" something each month. A habit or a favorite food or something she enjoyed, just to (in a way) prove to herself that she was not dependent on any of these items in her life. She wanted to make sure that the things she was doing she did in fact have control over and that they weren't controlling her. For some reason this popped into my head tonight and it got me thinking about doing my own similar and yet different test, if you will, of my own dependence.
Though my experiment has a little different reasoning behind it, in some ways it is the same. I don't necessarily want to prove anything to myself but I think that I more want to take back control of my life and make choices that I am proud of and that I feel are truly going to benefit me in some way. It is so easy to sit back and make certain decisions because it's the "easy" thing to do. "I can't afford to eat healthier right now" or "there's nothing else to do so I might as well turn on the TV" or "I don't have to answer to anyone but myself so why make an effort, I know that I can make a good one if I need to". I've heard many different statistics on how a habit is formed, some say if you do something 52 times in a row, some say less, some say more but the main thing to understand behind a habit is that if you do something over and over again then it's most likely going to become a part of your life whether you want it to or not. I'm currently in a season of life where I have very few people that I need to answer to or explain my life choices to and so I am starting to realize that I am forming habits that are doing nothing to better or further my life. It's not like any of these habits are terrible ones or are going to ruin my life but none the less I know that they are not shaping my life into one that I can look back on and be proud of. I keep thinking "once I get a job I'll change this" or "once I have my own place things will be different" but the question I'm starting to ask myself is, why should I wait until these big things in my life change to begin living in the way that I can look back on and be proud of. Why should I wait to be the person I wish I was? Why not begin down that path and through that journey right now while I have all the time in the world to make it happen.
So. All that thinking has led me to the decision to try a little experiment for the next couple of weeks and just see what happens. I have decided that from now until Thanksgiving I am going to stop doing a few things in what has now become my regular routine and to start doing some other things. I have made up a list of things to stop doing or start doing that I feel will have some sort of larger impact on my view of the world, myself, and life in general. The list includes things like less TV, more exercise, and some specific heavy reading. I'm hopeful that at the end of 20 days (which really isn't that long if we're really being honest) I can look back and not only see the beginnings of change in my life but begin to see more of the person I know I can be and some days wish I was. I'll do my best to report back on how it's going.
H.
